Dual tragedies struck the city of Phoenix, AZ earlier today as total of 6 news choppers crashed in two separate fiery crashes. First, 2 news helicopters crashed while covering a high speed police chase near central Phoenix. Firefighters and ambulances rushed to the scene, but were unprepared for what happened next.
“I saw the first fireball and the helicopters go down,” said Juan Perez, who lives with 13 other families in a single bedroom apartment near Phoenix Central Park. “Then about four other news choppers started circling the wreckage. You could see they were jockeying for position.”
Observers say overeager pilots and cameramen inched dangerously close to each other for a better view of the crash when four additional helicopters simultaneously collided, raining flaming debris onto the already wreckage strewn park.
A local station manager was nearly speechless over the tragedy. “What words are there to express the pain and anguish when a senseless tragedy like this ruins a ratings bonanza like a high speed chase?” he said. “I only hope that we can find solace when the overnights come out.”
----------James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, publicly questioned Fred Thompson’s Christianity, saying “Everyone knows he’s conservative and has come out strongly for the things that the pro-family movement stands for, [but] I don’t think he’s a Christian; at least that’s my impression.”
Mark Corallo, a spokesman for Thompson, called the charge ludicrous, and more importantly beside the point, as “the real question in this race is whether Jesus is a Fredist.”
He said that Thompson would be making a public statement to counter the charge later in the day, after he finished attending “Wednesday Services,” which the spokesman explained involved Thompson throttling a filthy war protester with his left hand while he panfried some porkchops for lunch with his right.
----------Venuezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Wednesday that his friend, ailing Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has been walking, “almost jogging”, in recent days.
Despite widely-reported rumors of failing health, the 80-year old strongman’s doctors have devised a regimen of vigorous physical therapy involving variously sloped terrain that Castro “can scale down incredibly quickly”, depending on the percentage grade.
“Fidel seems to really love the steep ones,” said one doctor. “We can’t keep up with him. Almost as soon as we let go, he’s bounding down energetically with his arms and leg flailing and tumbling. Eventually we catch up, finding him sprawled out, quietly meditating at the foot of the slope, his arms and legs twisted behind his back. He’s eternally youthful.”
----------The latest Quinnipiac poll of Connecticut residents finds spelling challenger Quinnapeeack two points ahead of Kwinnapeiak among voters, 48-46. Quinnipiac, the actual spelling of the poll, is preferred among just 6% of respondants.
It is believed the contentious spelling of Iraq is driving the surprising results, as bitter divisions as to whether to call the nascent democracy, which may or may not be in a state of civil war, Irak, Irack, or Eyerach have split the Connecticut electorate and created an unexpected three- way race.
The poll also asked opinions on the Lieberman- Lamont matchup, but those results were largely boring, it being like at least two months until the election, which means that the poll is virtually meaningless.
----------Hundreds of filthy Jews wandered around the streets of Kiryat Shemona on Thursday, after a Ketusha rocket fired by Hizb’Allah struck a laundry detergent factory, setting it ablaze.
A Hizb’Allah spokesman said the strike was “just vengeance” for the continued attacks by Israel which have “killed no one but innocent civilians excersizing their 2nd Amendment rights, destroyed baby formula and medicine factories that I’m afraid are too dangerous for you to enter and inspect, and damaged playgrounds where our children play in spider holes and underground bunkers.”
When asked if Hezb’Allah would be ridiculing their Israeli enemies as “filthy Jews” after striking their supply of laundry detergent, he responded: “I don’t get it. What is that?”
----------
A British musician has recorded a spanish-language version of the Star Spangled Banner, prompting outrage from opponents of illegal immigration.
The outrage, which had previously been pegged at “really outraged”, was upgraded to “really, really outraged”, as news broke that the song would feature altered lyrics.
“The Star Spangled Banner is a sacred American tradition,” said one […]
Warning to Democrats: Spoilers Ahead!
Hello, I'm world famous physicist Stephen Hawking.
It was my horror to open the pages of my beloved London times and see an announcement for Al Gore's new film "An Inconvenient Truth".
Long have I battled against my arch Nemesis Albert Arnold Gore Junior. who you know as a lovable former vice-president. But to me he is […]
Korans may have been destroyed in blast No caption: I just love posting this.
Egyptian rescue teams are frantically trying to dig past bodies of at least 14 wounded and dismembered Egyptians who were caught in a series of blasts that rocked the resort town of Dahab on Monday. Investigators believe that up to twenty Korans […]
A man frightened other customers at a local gas station on Saturday when he outrageously claimed that gas prices, which are inching ever closer to a national average of $3.00, were “no big deal” and “didn’t really effect [his] day- to- day life.”
Ha!
I bet you didn’t see this one coming did you?
I have been waiting for this moment for twenty-one days. Yes, I, The Evil Emperor Mindstation (P.Z.I.C.), have set a trap of cunning and genius. Waiting for the perfect moment to spring it on you, the currish reader.
So trackback, if you still remain conscious after this […]
Dross Loss After Toss By Boss Goss If you come across this house using Google Earth, turn away, as it is the classified location of the home of “T” (Thomas Griswold)
In a highly unusual move for the CIA, the agency announced today that a leak of classified information had forced it to terminate an officer. “And […]
Man, ‘67 was a crazy year. Bellbottom Google censorship and Yahoo! stickin’ it to the man (at least the dissident ones). I remember listening to The Hu Sell Out for hours.
Thursday is normally a time to announce the posting of the Carnival of Comedy. But today, a more spiritual journey is in order.
If our sitemeter shows one less visitor every day, we’ll know it was you that was transported to the higher plane of humor. Congratulations in advance. We’ll miss you, but we’ll […]
American Couples Hire Surrogate Parents To Birth, Then Raise, Children Surrogacy is a proud tradition in Indian culture.
Coming on the heels of a report on the use of low-cost Indian women as surrogate mothers for childless American couples, a new trend is emerging among even couples capable of conceiving. “It’s just so difficult to raise a child […]
Mixology: Dry (And Sick)
Mixology: Mt. Muthaf*cka
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