Dual tragedies struck the city of Phoenix, AZ earlier today as total of 6 news choppers crashed in two separate fiery crashes. First, 2 news helicopters crashed while covering a high speed police chase near central Phoenix. Firefighters and ambulances rushed to the scene, but were unprepared for what happened next.
“I saw the first fireball and the helicopters go down,” said Juan Perez, who lives with 13 other families in a single bedroom apartment near Phoenix Central Park. “Then about four other news choppers started circling the wreckage. You could see they were jockeying for position.”
Observers say overeager pilots and cameramen inched dangerously close to each other for a better view of the crash when four additional helicopters simultaneously collided, raining flaming debris onto the already wreckage strewn park.
A local station manager was nearly speechless over the tragedy. “What words are there to express the pain and anguish when a senseless tragedy like this ruins a ratings bonanza like a high speed chase?” he said. “I only hope that we can find solace when the overnights come out.”
----------James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, publicly questioned Fred Thompson’s Christianity, saying “Everyone knows he’s conservative and has come out strongly for the things that the pro-family movement stands for, [but] I don’t think he’s a Christian; at least that’s my impression.”
Mark Corallo, a spokesman for Thompson, called the charge ludicrous, and more importantly beside the point, as “the real question in this race is whether Jesus is a Fredist.”
He said that Thompson would be making a public statement to counter the charge later in the day, after he finished attending “Wednesday Services,” which the spokesman explained involved Thompson throttling a filthy war protester with his left hand while he panfried some porkchops for lunch with his right.
----------Venuezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Wednesday that his friend, ailing Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has been walking, “almost jogging”, in recent days.
Despite widely-reported rumors of failing health, the 80-year old strongman’s doctors have devised a regimen of vigorous physical therapy involving variously sloped terrain that Castro “can scale down incredibly quickly”, depending on the percentage grade.
“Fidel seems to really love the steep ones,” said one doctor. “We can’t keep up with him. Almost as soon as we let go, he’s bounding down energetically with his arms and leg flailing and tumbling. Eventually we catch up, finding him sprawled out, quietly meditating at the foot of the slope, his arms and legs twisted behind his back. He’s eternally youthful.”
----------The latest Quinnipiac poll of Connecticut residents finds spelling challenger Quinnapeeack two points ahead of Kwinnapeiak among voters, 48-46. Quinnipiac, the actual spelling of the poll, is preferred among just 6% of respondants.
It is believed the contentious spelling of Iraq is driving the surprising results, as bitter divisions as to whether to call the nascent democracy, which may or may not be in a state of civil war, Irak, Irack, or Eyerach have split the Connecticut electorate and created an unexpected three- way race.
The poll also asked opinions on the Lieberman- Lamont matchup, but those results were largely boring, it being like at least two months until the election, which means that the poll is virtually meaningless.
----------Hundreds of filthy Jews wandered around the streets of Kiryat Shemona on Thursday, after a Ketusha rocket fired by Hizb’Allah struck a laundry detergent factory, setting it ablaze.
A Hizb’Allah spokesman said the strike was “just vengeance” for the continued attacks by Israel which have “killed no one but innocent civilians excersizing their 2nd Amendment rights, destroyed baby formula and medicine factories that I’m afraid are too dangerous for you to enter and inspect, and damaged playgrounds where our children play in spider holes and underground bunkers.”
When asked if Hezb’Allah would be ridiculing their Israeli enemies as “filthy Jews” after striking their supply of laundry detergent, he responded: “I don’t get it. What is that?”
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Democratic leaders are excited today about their prospects for the 2006 mid-term elections. After many long seasons of losses in the Presidency, both houses of congress, and state governorships and legislatures, Democrats have scored a real win today with the death of Terri Schiavo.
“Forget the sea change in the Middle East, forget the painful […]
Top Democrats, including Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, today revealed research supporting their contention that the Social Security program is not in any danger of ‘bankruptcy’, as Republican lawmakers contend.
Showing several graphs at a news conference today, Pelosi explained:
From 1933, when Nazi eugenics laws were passed, to the end of the holocaust, approximately 12,000,000 people […]
Judge Greer, at the center of a right to die controversy. Legal scholars from all over the nation are debating today the controversial ruling by Florida judge George Greer ordering the removal of the feeding tube from Terri Schaivo despite a outstanding congressional subpoena. “It’s difficult to understand his reasoning, in light of the subpoena,” says Kelley […]
When Ashley Smith returned home to her apartment Saturday morning from a shopping trip, it was to a shock that none of us hope to ever encounter.
Calm faith in God helps heroine change a killer’s heart “Do you know who I am?” the six-foot-one stranger asked.
“Yes,” she replied. She recognized his face from the news. […]
Our highly placed sources have revealed to us that tomorrow’s Washington Post will announce a stunning revelation concerning the so-called “Nuclear Option” for confirming justices.
The ‘Nuclear Option’ refers to a Republican plan to bypass the current filibuster power that Senate Democrats are exercising over certain Bush Administration judicial appointments. The strategy would involve changing Senate […]
San Francisco County Supreme Court Judge Richard Kramer ruled Monday that California’s statewide ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. In his decision, he cited numerous other occasions of judicial tyranny and international law as the basis. “A basic human right is to be able to stick your wiener in another guy’s butt,” Kramer said to […]
Martha Stewart in a press release today said her new episodes of “Martha Stewart Living” will “[bring] the prison life to your home”. The show’s producer Cindy Hawthorn said “Martha learned a lot of new things in prison, like how to file a shank out of a steel pipe or how to make it look […]
Brian Nichols, the rapist-turned-murderer has been captured!
I will be liveblogging his transfer back to Atlanta as soon as it occurs.
UPDATE:
…Okay, here we go. It looks like they’re going to transfer him. I’m flipping between CNN, MSNBC, and FOX.
…He just got walked into a large black SUV. The transfer has begun.
…Showing footage of […]
He once reigned supreme over the jewel in the crown of network news, the anchor of the vaunted CBS evening news broadcast. He was on call any minute of the day or night, ready to break an important bulletin.
But he’s no longer Mr. Rather anymore. Now, they just call him Dan.
“You’d think he’d be […]
Mixology: Dry (And Sick)
Mixology: Mt. Muthaf*cka
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