NEWS BRIEFS
Tragedy As 4 Helicopters Crash Covering Earlier Crash Of 2 Helicopters

Dual tragedies struck the city of Phoenix, AZ earlier today as total of 6 news choppers crashed in two separate fiery crashes. First, 2 news helicopters crashed while covering a high speed police chase near central Phoenix. Firefighters and ambulances rushed to the scene, but were unprepared for what happened next.

“I saw the first fireball and the helicopters go down,” said Juan Perez, who lives with 13 other families in a single bedroom apartment near Phoenix Central Park. “Then about four other news choppers started circling the wreckage. You could see they were jockeying for position.”

Observers say overeager pilots and cameramen inched dangerously close to each other for a better view of the crash when four additional helicopters simultaneously collided, raining flaming debris onto the already wreckage strewn park.

A local station manager was nearly speechless over the tragedy. “What words are there to express the pain and anguish when a senseless tragedy like this ruins a ratings bonanza like a high speed chase?” he said. “I only hope that we can find solace when the overnights come out.”

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Dobson Snubs Thompson: "I Don’t Think He’s A Christian"

James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, publicly questioned Fred Thompson’s Christianity, saying “Everyone knows he’s conservative and has come out strongly for the things that the pro-family movement stands for, [but] I don’t think he’s a Christian; at least that’s my impression.”

Mark Corallo, a spokesman for Thompson, called the charge ludicrous, and more importantly beside the point, as “the real question in this race is whether Jesus is a Fredist.”

He said that Thompson would be making a public statement to counter the charge later in the day, after he finished attending “Wednesday Services,” which the spokesman explained involved Thompson throttling a filthy war protester with his left hand while he panfried some porkchops for lunch with his right.

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Chavez Says Castro "Almost Jogging", Depending On Slope Of Cliff

Venuezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Wednesday that his friend, ailing Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has been walking, “almost jogging”, in recent days.

Despite widely-reported rumors of failing health, the 80-year old strongman’s doctors have devised a regimen of vigorous physical therapy involving variously sloped terrain that Castro “can scale down incredibly quickly”, depending on the percentage grade.

“Fidel seems to really love the steep ones,” said one doctor. “We can’t keep up with him. Almost as soon as we let go, he’s bounding down energetically with his arms and leg flailing and tumbling. Eventually we catch up, finding him sprawled out, quietly meditating at the foot of the slope, his arms and legs twisted behind his back. He’s eternally youthful.”

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Quinnipiac Poll Finds "Quinnapeeack" Most Popular Spelling

The latest Quinnipiac poll of Connecticut residents finds spelling challenger Quinnapeeack two points ahead of Kwinnapeiak among voters, 48-46. Quinnipiac, the actual spelling of the poll, is preferred among just 6% of respondants.

It is believed the contentious spelling of Iraq is driving the surprising results, as bitter divisions as to whether to call the nascent democracy, which may or may not be in a state of civil war, Irak, Irack, or Eyerach have split the Connecticut electorate and created an unexpected three- way race.

The poll also asked opinions on the Lieberman- Lamont matchup, but those results were largely boring, it being like at least two months until the election, which means that the poll is virtually meaningless.

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Filthy Jews Flood Streets Of Kiryat Shemona

Hundreds of filthy Jews wandered around the streets of Kiryat Shemona on Thursday, after a Ketusha rocket fired by Hizb’Allah struck a laundry detergent factory, setting it ablaze.

A Hizb’Allah spokesman said the strike was “just vengeance” for the continued attacks by Israel which have “killed no one but innocent civilians excersizing their 2nd Amendment rights, destroyed baby formula and medicine factories that I’m afraid are too dangerous for you to enter and inspect, and damaged playgrounds where our children play in spider holes and underground bunkers.”

When asked if Hezb’Allah would be ridiculing their Israeli enemies as “filthy Jews” after striking their supply of laundry detergent, he responded: “I don’t get it. What is that?”

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Archive for the 'Open Trackbacks' Category



Weekend Open Trackbacks: Adorable Baby Koala Edition

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

What could be more enticing google bait than an adorable baby koala?
Yes, I know, you perverts: a Jessica Biel sex tape. Sorry, I’m just not going there.
What’s wrong with you people?

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Pa! It’s Raining! Edition

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

The drought finally broke, and it looks like the crops will be saved. Too bad we had to sell ol’ Bessie to pay for next year’s seed corn.

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Plodding Along Edition

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

Well, two posts last week. Pretty pitiful.

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I’m Really Not Dead Edition

Saturday, September 8th, 2007

Is it me, or is the news lately just not all that funny?
Chuck Schumer is an ass, John Edwards a fascist, blah, blah, blah.

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Just One More Deadline And I’ll Be Back To Posting Edition

Saturday, August 25th, 2007

It’s 1:18 am on Friday night and I’m hanging out in my effing office waiting for a coat of lacquer to dry in the spray booth. I’m too effing old for this all-nighter crap.
“Why won’t you come home, Daddy?”
“a4g made a lot of craaaaazy promises, kids.”

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Final Edition Edition

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Stephen Hawking will be taking over the Weekend Open Trackback duties from me, as I am off for a jaunty adventure in the U.S. Marine Corps. MCRD, here I come!

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: No Woman Can Resist The Emperor’s Charms Edition

Friday, August 10th, 2007

Booyah.

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Countdown Edition

Saturday, August 4th, 2007

T minus 16 days and counting.

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Bumped Edition

Saturday, July 28th, 2007

Hey guys! Great site! Would you be interested in these great CHEAP VIAGRA LINKS
UPDATE: Feel free to use this post for your open trackback needs.

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Weekend Open Trackbacks: Rerun Edition

Saturday, July 14th, 2007

This open trackback post is a rerun of an earlier open trackback post, see if you can figure out which one it is.

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